The Urban Shaman

Hi everyone and thanks Aimee for the invite. I am couraged to put something into writing so I’ll try with this little piece of one experience I had once. I welcome any discussion regarding the event so just feel free in any way.

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The
apprentice and the duality dilemma

One day I
got the “calling”. Many things came to me, appeared when the time was right.
One of those things were to find out how to talk and communicate with spirits
and such entities. “How” is another story but I found a very simple technique
to get to it and lo and behold, it actually worked.

I began to
get a communication going, giving me information that under no circumstance
could emanate from my own psyche. My first teachers were the forest, and the
trees, who helped me navigate through an entirely new landscape. They learned
me all I had to know about manners and behavior in this etheric realm. And many
other things too. They introduced me to different entities for different
lessons, and their preparations made me able to interact without making all too
much of a fool of myself, at least not worse than I were excused.

One of
those entities were Pan. How do I know it was Pan? Because when you meet
someone new, you introduce yourself politely and you will get an equal polite
presentation in return. It’s not hard. Don’t fool other’s and they won’t fool
you. Respect is the key, not in the inferior meaning but heartfelt and honest.

My meetings
with Pan always took place in the forest, and as Pan is a deity of the forest,
it was suitable. Many strange things happened with Pan but I’d like to focus on
one certain event. At this time, everything happening to me in my “etherical
communication” had crystallized into an educational program. Lesson after
lesson appeared in an obvious logical order, every session leading to the next
and bringing into practice what I’ve learned the other day in theory. I had
classmates too, I’m not the first person seeing evidence of a controlled
education system in this respect. Very intriguing.

Now, during
my lectures with Pan, I stood at a certain point in my education. We all live
through our lives trying to do our best, most of us have an intention to be
“nice” but our ego keep tripping us in that ambition. We end up being “mostly
nice, at least” and we fall again, and rise again. I was at the beginning of
understanding what the power of our mind can do, and how it may affect others.
I understood the idea that free will comes before anything I would like to do
for someone. It’s not necessarily a good deed to help someone that doesn’t want
help. In fact, that would be a bad thing, overriding another person’s ambitions
of their experience. And so we have karma. If I help someone who doesn’t want
help, karma won’t take it lightly. I thought (and still think) that free will
is maybe the most important rule in this universe. Our ability to break it for
other’s is a lesson in understanding the importance of that rule. You can, but
you simply don’t. And this gave me a dualistic dilemma to cope with, a paradox
of immense proportions arised.

First of
all, I felt that a vague ambition to be “nice” were too shady, I couldn’t
navigate by that weak standpoint. I had to ask myself who I am. Am I “good” or
am I “bad” and which one do I want to be? I mean really? If I’m good, I would
always respect free will. If I’m bad, free will is inferior to my free
will. Do I want to do conjuring tricks like manifesting a pile of money on my living
room floor? Heck YES! Because it’s possible. But can I do this and remain a
good guy? I wasn’t sure. Where would that money come from, if they manifested
at my place? Energy has to be in balance so someone must lose them in order for
me to get them. Not something a nice guy would do. Then again, why would the
universe stop me from fulfilling my dream? Spoiler alert: It wouldn’t. I am
free to do it, and karma would watch me do it. OK, easy, then live your life in
ashes, because that’s what’s left to do for nice guys, they wont get anything
or karma gets angry.

And how
about this: Imagine that I find a good deed to do, let’s say helping someone
that actually wants help. And I do this. And there’s a spectator not wanting me
to do this. Universe doesn’t judge between good or bad, it’s in their right,
their free will wanting me to not help the other person. So if I help person
number 1, I cross the free will of person number 2. What a dilemma.

I guess the
only thing you can do to remain “good” is just about nothing. As little as
possible. I began to understand the monks of the Buddhistic monasteries,
sweeping their path before them to avoid stepping on any bugs on their way. It
made sense. And still, how can you be sure that every bug on the road is saved?

The more I
thought of it, there seemed to be only one good deed to do in this world, and
that was to kill yourself. It was the only way to minimize the damage a living
person would do to the world, given that the ambition were to be a “good”
person. Extreme, but so far it made sense.

The problem
with such a thing is that it takes full respect on all free will in the
universe, except mine. Not just that I wasn’t suicidal, but if all free will
counts, then my free will also counts. This is not the solution, it would be
ridiculous if it were. So, did “living” mean “bad”, is all the good stuff just
a deception, are we meant to be bad, are we meant to see the lie of “good”
through and live for our own sake and interest? Well, it was clearly a
possibility but I was equally clear with my intentions, I wanted “good” but
couldn’t find out how in the world that would be possible.

Pan had to
listen to my ramblings about this subject, and listened very patiently, giving
me a nugde here and there, trying to tweak and realign the subject but I
couldn’t see it. I was battling this paradox of duality for several weeks but
couldn’t get past this point.

At one
point I gave up, I couldn’t solve it, but I had to, so I decided to begin all
over in hope of finding my error in the equation. Pan couldn’t take more of
this bullshit. He raised his voice and spoke to me, loud and clear:

You have
many questions. You don’t need those questions. You have a heart.

End of
discussion. I dropped my jaw, literally. Yes I do have a heart. Apply the
intelligence and intuition of the heart to any situation, just any, and properly
done, without any ego involved, the actions taken by the heart will always be
the proper one. The intention of the heart is incapable of making a move that
will cross the intention and will of another heart.

What about
the free will of those that would want to hurt me or someone else? Who cares
about the will of someone not using their heart in the moment? The heart
doesn’t. Free will is not the same thing as the right to instant gratification.
It is a gift from one heart to another. This solved every one of my paradoxes. It
ended all questions concerning duality, black and white, good or bad, back and
forth, because there is only one color, red as the heart. You don’t have to
crawl in the dust in order to be a good guy, you just have to use your heart.